Final Round

In a new house but I can see its potential to feel like home. It is just as hot here as the place that I left-- unexpectedly so, given that this place is farther north and embedded deep in a valley between two high ridges. They call this place "Happy Valley", but that has not been my experience here so far. However. I do think that things can change if we let them, which requires that we transform ourselves into people who allow change to happen.

I forgot to pack a toothbrush into any of the many boxes containing most of my possessions, which my parents and I hauled up here this afternoon, so around 8:30 I headed downtown to make the purchase. As I walked to the store along familiar houses and well-known streets, I found myself thinking: here is the sidewalk where I was so laden with sadness that I wasn't sure I could walk the whole way to the store, or back again.

It is easy, when in a known place, to revert to the person you were and the feelings that you felt and the ways that you acted while you were originally there. The challenge, then, is to recreate yourself into a new entity even as the place remains 'old'. Emphasis on 'create'-- self-making is a creative process, fraught with poetically licensed decisions, inspiration, and the necessity of finding and staying true to your soul (in this sense, there is no creation involved-- you simply pay attention to what you already are).

I'm tired now, too tired to say fully what I mean, or to word well the few sentences that I have managed to get out. But I know what I'm talking about. Hopefully I will articulate it more tomorrow. Until then, here is my mantra:

(based on the premise that What we give our attention to grows stronger),

I am setting my intention to give attention to calm, to quiet listening and to acting in accordance with my heart and my soul